Grrrrr.
Okay, the needed background. The part of your brain that does pain control (the hypothalmus, if you care) is the same part of your brain that controlls mood. (This is why most people in lots of pain are complete assholes.) Being in a good mood while in pain is like driving down the road with the emergency brake on. It can happen, but there's a lot pushing against you. Many people with chronic pain have the brain chemistry of people with fairly serious depression, but from a literal standpoint, we're not depressed - we're in pain.
That said, it's probably an obvious jump to the fact that one class of drugs used to treat chronic pain is anti-depressants. They elevate the brain chemicals that are squashed flat by being in pain constantly, by acting on the same part of the brain, yadda yadda. There is still a lot of resistance in the US to any suggestion of mental illness, let alone being TREATED for mental illness, so many chronic pain sufferers refuse to take these drugs, insisting they aren't depressed. I've tried them before (I'll try anything) and had iffy success with them. Because I'm not truly depressed, there is a 'happy pill' effect (weird mood elevation) that I dislike, but they usually make it possible to shake off pain more easily - for example, this morning I twisted my hand wrong and instead of taking narcotics like usual, I just stood there going "ow, damn it" for a while and then went on with my day.
So last week my doc put me on a new one (I tend to take them until I feel better, and then quit. Dumb, but I freaking hate them). It's developed for chronic pain people and supposed to concentrate on that 'shake off the pain' effect and avoid the 'I'm so fuckin' happy I want to shoot myself' effect.
Yeah.
The last couple days I've been in a suspiciously good mood, but not weirdly so. Not being in pain can make you pretty giddy and I've had those highs before. And I noticed I'm a lot more patient with the baby (which is why I'll probably continue to take this drug even though I'm so happy I hate myself) and my concentration is better (which bodes well for the lace knitting). I was wondering just how high the high would go... and then it happened this morning.
Noggin was running "Beside the Seaside" again - the song I have ranted about repeatedly. The one I say the writer and singer should both be drawn and quartered for. The one with the bended notes that don't fit into a scale and make my eyes squint shut. The one with the lameass rhymes that make me itch for a sharpened pencil and a writer's back to bury it in. And I caught myself thinking "You know, this song isn't THAT bad."
This. Must. Stop.
Anyway. I did the next-to-last increase round on the Blue Shimmer yoke. I'm up to 486 stitches, increasing to 532 total. (Sorry about the old 590 figure - that's from when I thought I was knitting this thing on size zero/2mm needles.) If Blogger takes the photo, here is yet another picture of the yoke:
...and it's not uploading. Bugger it. Suffice it to say, I've got one more pattern band to go and then I begin on The Great Blueness.
We leave for Ohio Wednesday. I should be nice and goddamn happy for the trip.
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5 comments:
Dunno if this is helpful (and I don't want to elevate your mood, here) but I had some luck yesterday uploading directly from the camera rather than a saved file. Meds suck. There is no way around it. But I heard a great line on the show "House" a couple of weeks ago that helped to put it in perspective for me. With regard to his Vicodin Dr. House said, "They take my pain away...and they let me do my job." I swear alot, too. ;)
I always figured I was just being bitchy, until I realized that I was genuinely freaking unhappy. Problem is, I'm already taking the happy pills - maybe we need to up the dose, but if I actually start laughing, they will put me so far away that no one will ever find me. As for Noggin - I had to deal with Barney - you'll probably survive it.
I'm a big fan of Effexor with a side of Depakote. And a Seroquel chaser. You can pretty much conquer the world loaded up on that.
And knit lace at the same time.
whatever gets you through, I say.
When you start writing that Bush is not so bad, then we'll really worry!
I think we have a better chance of being individually hit by lightning at the same time than we do of Julie saying Bush isn't all that bad.
Though I don't mind him. :::running and hiding:::
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