It's that time. I'm looped and am dealing with swimming lessons, so yeah, a fine time to editorialize. As always, pictures are from the VK web site, quotes are from the magazine, everything else is mine. Yee haw whee. Go copyright.
This time around, I'm not going to draw on the pictures. I'm going to try talking YOU GUYS into seeing what I do, just by looking. Oh, and those of you who wonder how I know this stuff? My cousin was a model, and had actual modeling textbooks. My mother decided in my early teens I needed poise, so I was fired off to my cousin to do hair and makeup and posture for a week. It was fun. I read the textbooks. I also learned how to walk in heels. Good stuff. There should be required courses in high school with that stuff.
Anyway, what, where was I? Review. Right.
The letter from the editor flogs VK Live, and their new iPad app. "...so many of the garments we feature are season-spanning". Indeed. Keep that gem in mind, further on.
The featured yarns still lack gauge swatches. Everybody there knits, my ass.
Articles! I think they know I enjoy the articles and are cutting back. It's personal. I swear. Really. IT IS ALL ABOUT ME. -ahem- Meg Swansen discusses the new book coming out, "Knit One Knit All", which is a book of EZ's all-garter-stitch designs. It sounds like it was quite a project - the ideas may have been EZ's, but Meg, her son Cully, and a bunch of others had to work from vague notes, half-documented ideas, and other madness. Looks like fun. Carol Sulcoski discusses schematics, how to read them, and use them. Beginner-level stuff, but if you need the information, it's a good article.
That's it. I think there's something in here somewhere with winners of the mohair design contest, but I can't find it, so what's that tell you? So, two articles, in a magazine I buy for the articles. Delightful.
Section one! (Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.) Brioche socks by Alexandra Richards.
Section two, "Into the Woods". Models roam around a barren wood, carrying candelabras and trying to look atmospheric. Everything's red, which is a HUGE relief because after a year of red sections, the last issue DIDN'T, and I JUST COULDN'T COPE. Red is the ONLY fashionable color.
2. Pompom capelet by Yoko Hatta.
3. Reindeer Capelet by Yoko Hatta.
Fornicating reindeer. Best. Capelet. Ever.
4. Tied capelet by Yoko Hatta.
5. Cabled Capelet by Yoko Hatta.
6. Zippered Cape by Mari Lynn Patrick.
And then, the mohair design contest winners. All of the seem to be pros. Wait, no, one is a student at Parsons School of Design. I wonder if they won for their resumes?
7. Mohair Lace Dress, by Laura Zukaite. (Grand prize winner.)
8. Sheath and Wrap by Lynette Meek.
Wrap in one size, back between sleeves 20in/51cm.
Personally, the idea of mohair in a close fitting sheath dress makes my skin crawl. It could work as a layering piece for winter, but eeeesh. The wrap is kind of cool, I can imagine swanning about in that in cooler weather. Both have been hand-paint-dyed after knitting; the exact colors chosen aren't to my taste, but that's really easy to change. $223USD to knit the medium dress, $...well, I'd love to tell you how much the wrap is to make, but I can't find the yarn for it. Anywhere. At all. On the INTERNET. Very cute.
9. Bobble Tank Dress by Monica Hofstadter.
Next section, our beloved designer section. Anna Sui checks in with "her signature brand of hippie chic". This stuff looks like the kind of crochet that people have struggled against for years, trying to show crochet can be pretty and not look like, well, like this. It's like everything that was bad about the seventes.
10. Flower Hat, and
11. Flower Vest.
Bloom Loom, and I assume roped Sui into making these to demonstrate how cool they are. I hope to hell Sui got paid a lot, because if I were a crocheter I'd be ready to burn this in effigy. As for Boye.. WHAT THE FUCK, PEOPLE?
12. Granny Square Vest.
THIS for some real crochet beauty. It does exist. Just, um, not here. Gods. SERIOUSLY, VK? A project that's actually OFFENSIVE to some crocheters? It's not your grandmother's crochet, YET IT IS! MADE OF GRANNY SQUARES!
Sigh. I've run out of adjectives.
Next section, "Easy Knits, Easy Fits", where you can wear really loose stuff and if you pose JUST RIGHT, still look like you have a waist. Maybe.
13. Cowl by Faith Hale.
made famous by EZ. It would look too much like I ripped it off and slapped it on an unshaped tube and collected money for the 'pattern'.
14. Scoop Neck Top by Faith Hale.
15. Cropped Pullover by Lori Steinberg.
16. Boucle Vest by Lori Steinberg.
17. Tapered Pullover by Renee Lorion.
18. Cable Rib Jacket by Vladmir Teriokhin.
Section, oh, whatever the hell.
19. Lace Pattern Cardigan by Lisa Hoffman.
20. Lace Vest by Kristin Omdahl.
21. Lace Trimmed Top by Shiri Mor.
A 38 INCH BUST IS NOT EXTRA LARGE, PARTICULARLY NOT FOR A JACKET, FUCKERS!
22. Lace Jacket by Iris Schreier.
Next section, "The fashion blueprint: Lithe, drapey tunics with vertical detailing lengthen and strengthen the knit silhouette." Apparently, the copy writers (or their editor) don't know the diff between vertical, horizontal, and diagonal.
23. Welted Pullover by John Brinegar.
24. Drop Shoulder Top by Rosemary Drysdale.
25. Cabled Poncho by Daniela Nii.
26. Boatneck Top by Sinje Ollen.
27. Striped Tunic by Josh Bennett.
28. Colorwork Poncho by Deborah Newton.
29. Long Vest by John Brinegar.
30. Relaxed Cardigan by Mari Lynn Patrick.
Well, thankfully, this wraps up another VK review. As always some real gems in with the WTFery. Until next time, knit wisely.