Friday, December 14, 2007

Is it me, or is everyone an asshole?

I made the mistake of going Christmas shopping today. Late afternoon. I know, I know. I'm an idiot, and that's the biggest problem around here - me and my brain. But damn, it's like everyone's trying to be rude.

Some old geezer (old does not automatically mean geezer, but this guy was an old geezer) got in line behind me at the grocery store. It was NOT the express lane, and I was busy buying an entire cart of baking supplies. One glance would tell you it was going to take a while (particularly because the checkout kid had the IQ of a trout and moved like a lame turtle). So instead of getting into the bloody express lane, he plunks down his two gallons of ice cream behind my eleventy-million boxes of baker's chocolate, and then bitches the entire time that it's going to melt.

Then, I go down to the Air Force base, to buy cut-rate Godiva chocolate for my sister-in-law, and some OTHER old geezer FOLLOWS ME INTO THE PARKING LOT to tell me how rude I am. Apparently I tail-gated him, getting on base. (I call it 'trying to get through the light with a moron in front of me' - it's all a matter of viewpoint.) I just stared at him for a minute, and walked away, laughing.

If I were REALLY rude, I'd have told him to fuck himself with a cheese grater.

See how polite I am? It's almost saintly. It's got to be everybody else. Gotta be.

10 comments:

Amy Lane said...

I'm with you--definitely everyone else is an asshole...

Bells said...

What Amy said.

I agree even more now that some fuckwit has just screamed up my street and very nearly had an accident. Sometimes I think idiots deserve to die.

Melody said...

OMG....roflmfao...I thought I was the only one who thought this way...but I really like the cheese grater part.

Barbara said...

Yeah, I'm totally stealing the cheese grater remark. Everyone's assholes today because we all (as a culture) let them be. Too many of the assholes have guns so no one is brave (or stupid) enough to tell them to sit down, shut up, and wait their turn. In my small city, the president of the city council decided we need a Nativity scene at City Hall. He bought one, had it put up and is willing to pay for the lights. I'm not sure I agree. But this morning there's a Wiccan wreath and pentacle next to it--put up by a city worker for someone. That I like, the juxtaposition of Christian and non. Bring it on! And my verification word says it all, ycaccs.

Sheepish Annie said...

It's not just you...there is a distinct lack of patience out there right now. Drives me crazy. Which then transforms me into an asshole.

It's a nasty cycle!

deirdre said...

You should, in fact, be nominated for sainthood - Christmas really has a way of bring out the "best" in some people!

And I also have to borrow your cheese grater line - still giggling...

Anonymous said...

Yes indeed everyone is an asshole, flew from sunny warm south carolina to cleveland, ohio and they got the 1st major snow fall of the year yesterday and it seems everyone has forgotten even basic manners and that its really, really important to leave some rooms between cars so that you don't have some asshole climbing up your trunk! Then being pissed off cause he hit you!

Donna Lee said...

I think people are really cranky this time of year. On thursday as I was going through the turnstile to get on the train on the way to work, a woman was sure I had butt in line and proceeded to tell me so. I usually just let these things go but I guess I was tired and disputed this with her and walked away. She followed me up the escalator, talking at me the whole way onto the train. I am sure I ruined her whole day. I wanted to scream JUST GET OVER IT, IT TOOK 5 SECONDS OUT OF YOUR MORNING!!! Obviously, I was able to hold onto some shred of self control.

roz said...

i hear ya.

here's my contribution to the "asshole preparedness kit:" quoting from the excellent late 90's movie "office space," which i watched with my sister and brother-in-law this morning -- "you can bite my ass."

it's the week before christmas, and i'm waiting, WAITING, to use it on someone! (the baggage guy at the airport tonight A...L...M...O...S...T got it, but i held back...)

Jejune said...

I think all the assholes come out in force at Christmas! Especially the old geezers... heaven save us from old geezers (including my f***ing FIL)!