Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Fuckeyes.

Because someone asked for the recipe.

The term "Fuckeye" was coined by my writing group, because these are labor intensive. The real name is "Buckeye", and they're called that because the candy looks like the seed of a horse chestnut tree, also known as a Buckeye:


BUCKEYES:

Filling:
six parts powdered/confectioner's sugar
three parts peanut butter
one part regular butter

Do this by VOLUME, not weight. (I did it by weight once and totally screwed it up and kept adding peanut butter to make it right and wound up with like two gallons of filling and we rolled and dipped buckeyes for two weeks and finally threw the rest away in disgust). You can decide how much of the stuff you want to make, and work backward: if you want ten cups of filling, use six cups of powdered sugar, three cups of peanut butter, and one cup of regular butter. If you want to make just a few buckeyes like a test recipe, use six tablespoons confectioner's sugar, three tablespoons of peanut butter, and one tablespoon butter. You get the idea.

Anyway, mix it all up and roll it into balls about 3/4 inch/1 1/2 cm in diameter. An easy way to do this is to pack the filling into a bowl, toss it in the fridge 'til it's hard, then scoop it back out with a melon baller or really small cookie scoop. You can also spread it out in a pan, refrigerate it, and then cut it into squares and roll those into balls. Whatever. It takes forever. Ask friends over and put them to work.

Put the peanut butter balls back in the fridge 'til they're cool, then dip them in melted chocolate about 3/4 of the way. I use a bamboo skewer, stab the balls, swish them through chocolate, and move them back to the tray I took them off of. Let cool, and you're done. (Don't let the peanut butter filling get warm, or it'll fall off the skewer in the chocolate and you've got a hell of a mess on your hands. I take about ten centers out of the fridge at a time, dip them, put them back in and get more out.)

For the chocolate, you can buy high quality stuff, add paraffin so that it gets solid enough to work as a coating, then temper it, and fool around with all that crap. Or you can just chop up Hershey bars (or any other mid-quality chocolate candy bar) and melt those and use them; they've already got the paraffin in them. It's the only time I use cheap chocolate in the Christmas baking.

Some thoughts:

-Make sure all the ingredients of the filling are at room temperature when you try to mix them. You can do it by hand - I have - but the real way to go is a Kitchenaid Mixer and the paddle attatchment. The stuff is really thick, though, so be careful using smaller mixers, you might burn them out.

-I use creamy Jif peanut butter. Traditionally, creamy peanut butter is used, but I'm sure you could use crunchy if that sounded better to you.

-Normally I do the old double boiler method for melting chocolate, but Alton Brown uses two thin metal bowls with a heating pad (cover removed) smashed between them. Since I'm making a lot of truffles this year, I'm going to give it a try. I'll let you all know how well it works.

-Technically, Fuckeyes aren't baking. They're candymaking. So you can feel all clever and sophisticated.



-... -

I was supposed to go to the doctor today to straighten out some of my pain medication. Forty-five minutes before the appointment, the Goober threw herself on the living room floor in a screaming fit. I watched for a few minutes, then called and cancelled the apointment. I apologized for the short notice on the phone, but they could hear the Goober screaming in the background, and I doubt were terribly irritated by my decision to spare them all a screaming toddler. The appointment's rescheduled for the 18th.

When the husbeast gets home, I'm handing her off, locking myself in my office, and knitting. I've had it.

13 comments:

Amy Lane said...

*sigh* The short people have been having screaming contests in the back of the car on the way home from work. Mate has been wondering why his wife has become this feral, snarling creature sitting in the knitting chair and spitting like a cat whenever someone starts talking to her. Did you know that short people can hit an octave that makes dogs wet themselves? There may not be science to back me up, but I know this to be true.

Catie said...

mmmm i'm going to try those buckeyes.

Anonymous said...

Ha, good luck, Catie. There's a reason they're called 'fuckeyes.'

I've decided, Julie, since my friend Jenn is making me make damned Christmas cookies (which is the ONLY time I drink) I'm going to make her make fuckeyes with her. I'm fighting fire with fire. She'll never again ask me to bake.

Boowahahaha!!!

Trish the EVIL

Anonymous said...

wow, talk about bad grammar in that last post...Who's the idiot that wrote THAT??? Maybe she has a sick kid with a 103 fever on Tylenol...maybe that's why.

Trish, looking innocent, whistling...

Bells said...

I am peanut butter obsessed. I have to make those!

Kris Fletcher said...

A word of warning: before you attempt to make these, take the butter out of the fridge and let it soften up. If it's too hard & cold, it will never blend with the other ingredients, and you will have an unholy mess on your hands. That, I believe, was the first time I spit out the name "fuckeyes."

Oh, yeah. Good times, good times.

Laural said...

Oh I miss being able to eat buckeyes :( 2/3 of the house will die because of the peanut butter though and soy nut butter tastes like dog food.

Thinking good thoughts for your next appointment!

I hope I can remember the foodie question that I had at 3 a.m. today.

Barbara said...

I just stumbled upon your blog through Mason-Dixon yesterday and I am hooked. Love your humor and your nerd-y neural pathways that twist around subjects. Thanks for the fuckeyes recipe (it was me who asked). I was browsing your blog and read your post about hand pain. I'm a longtime crocheter and new-ish knitter and find sitting on a fitness ball while knitting/crocheting at home keeps my spine straight and my shoulders level so I have less muscle fatigue and tingling. Plus it's just good clean fun.

an said...

laural, have you tried peabutter? it's not heinous like soybutter and i love it (peabutter). I'm allergic to nuts, so it's safe that way and my husband says that it's almost exactly like peanut butter. which is high praise from him, he is a bit of a peanut butter snob.

i just discovered that they have a website too.

www.peabutter.ca

Louiz said...

ok I think I have to make these (Julie do you know what you've done? I never cook!) should it be crunchy or smooth or my choice peanut butter... and confectioners sugar? is that like icing sugar? (am semi fighting off a migraine so if you've already said and I've missed it I'm not really an idiot I just can't see properly!)

Kathleen said...

I never knew you could eat buckeyes! We collected them as kids, or someone would bring them to school for show and tell, but I've never heard that they were edible. Hmm...ya learn something new every day.

Catie said...

I made some buckeyes and my husband's comment was "cookie dough dipped in chocolate - what a GREAT idea!" Some of the filling didn't make it to the chocolate stage because I left the room while it was in the fridge to cool and well the bowl was removed from the fridge when I got back... I found it super useful to put them in the freezer before putting chocolate on them and I cheated - I used a spoon to put most of the chocolate on them. I need to make more, but this time I will roll them smaller so perhaps they will last longer than 24 hours...

justthreadtwiddling said...

We've done those in the past, but since EVERYONE in my family (and I don't do labor intensive for others) needs to lose MANY pounds I will not be doing these this year.
Curly Top can't be any worse than the pups wanting to curl up in my lap and fighting once they get there. At least I can lock the pups outside for a while. They can't open the doors or gates (YET).