Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Two year old, attitude-having little shit.

The Goober's attitude has officially arrived. Below, find a series of conversations we've had with her in the last few days. I've put translations in brackets.

ME: As long as you're screaming, the answer is no.
ME: Still no.
ME: Okay, okay. Calm down. How about... no.
At this point she was chucked in her crib.

ME: Get over it, kid.
GOOB: NO. I NOT GET OVER. [Fuck off, Mum.]

GOOB: Calm down, Mumma. [Fuck off, Mum.]
Alternately, she will give a sarcastic "Oh dear."

ME: No throwing things in the house.
GOOB: Meybee noh. [Maybe not.]
ME: Definitely not.
GOOB: Meybee.

ME: Big girls use the potty.
GOOB: I no yike potty. I wan didy. [I don't like the potty, I want a diaper.]

GOOB: I huny. [I'm hungry.]
ME: You just refused to eat dinner.
GOOB: Chokat? [Chocolate?]

HUSBEAST, pointing to a foot print on the couch: What is this?
GOOB: A poom pwin! [A puma print!]

GOOB: Shoo, titty! [Shoo, kitty!]
SEKHMET: Oh, you did NOT just tell me what to do, little kitten. Go eat hairballs.

GOOB: I a manter. Rawr. [I'm a monster. Roar.]
ME: Eeeek!
GOOB, scared by my shriek: WAAAAAAAAH!

ME: Its nap time.
GOOB: No, no nap. I busy.

I keep telling myself that to talk back like this, she's gotta be pretty smart and have a pretty good vocabulary. And that when she's older, I want her to stand up for herself just like this.

But if she doesn't knock it off, I'm getting the duct tape.


Donna Lee said...

I often had to remind myself that the wonderful independent strong spirits I admired in my babies was a double edged sword. They can still get the best of me! And make me sick to my stomach from laughing at the same time. You're in for a good time.

Anonymous said...

be VERY glad she can express herself this well. my experience from babysitting is that the inarticulate ones are the truly "terrible" twos, because they get so much more frustrated than those who can tell you what they want, where it hurts or what the cat did to them. luckily, my kids took after me, as i suspect the goob is taking after you and papabeast.

enjoy her and write down all the cute/funny things she says so you can embarrass her when she's in her teens.

-- ellen in indy

Rose Red said...

A couple of weeks ago, my 21mo nephew, standing in front of the fridge with him wanting chocolate (or something) and his mother:

Mum: Mum says no.
Nephew: I say yes!
Mum: I say no!
Nephew: I say yes!
Mum: I SAY NO!
Nephew: I SAY YES!

Repeat ad nauseum...

But yeah, it's a good thing she can express herself and it's a great trait which will come in handy when she's an adult. Good luck until then!!

Sarah said...


historicstitcher said...

I laughed out load at the second to last one - crying when you shriek at her "monster"-ness! I SO remember those days!!

How's the weaving coming??

Amy Lane said...

Do you want two more just like her? Cheap! (I've even got the cat that says 'fuck off'!)

Jacquie said...

I'm so impressed Goober knows about pumas and anybody that thinks chocolate is a dinner source is in the genius catergory.Enjoy your clever little angel, life is going to be so much fun with her in it.

debsnm said...

Keep repeating: She's not deliberately trying to drive me crazy. She's not deliberately trying to drive me crazy.

Robin said...

You are HOOT! Motherhood is not for the faint of heart! I think I would compare it to an 18 year roller coaster ride! Screams, crying, puking, laughing, ups, downs, and in the end you realize you loved the ride!

Shea said...

Do we have the same two year old? Or maybe they were separated at birth. Let's see, yelling no, throwing toys, throwing tantrums, won't use the potty, yep, separated at birth. I so feel your pain. Except I'm planning on using a straight jacket instead of duct tape.

Mindy said...

I have a daughter that never has known the meaning of "no". It becomes an asset when you're an adult. She is now 29 and "no" is still not part of her vocabulary!

Malin said...

I especially like "No nap, I busy" :-) Great times!

MLJ1954 said...

ah, the joy of motherhood . . . and think . . . in about 10 years or so, you will be having the same conversation but she will be rolling her eyes and mumbling under her breath . . .

Pork With Bones said...

I love your attitude (as expressed in a later post) that she's got to be healthy to do all this running around screaming! My own boy didn't talk until age 3, so this post makes me a bit wistful for those classic conversations you get when they're one and two.

Kellie said...

lmao, just found your blog and thoroughly enjoying it. Ah, the good times have just begun. Classic comebacks from Mr 3 include "I told you not to talk to me" (when thwarted by the parentals), "listen people" (when the adults are 'ignoring' him", "that bloody dog, i told her off with my finger" (um, I think he's spending too much time with his grandmother), and "bugger" (usually heard shortly after a crashing noise of some kind). For all the frustration we wouldn't have it any other way, go the smart and feisty babes!

Anonymous said...

Like the previous poster, I've just found your blog too - and after reading this post I just KNOW I'm going to be calling back. You have a delicious sense of humour. I'm on the verge of buying a Kiwi too, woop woop!!