The Goober's attitude has officially arrived. Below, find a series of conversations we've had with her in the last few days. I've put translations in brackets.
ME: As long as you're screaming, the answer is no.
ME: Still no.
ME: Okay, okay. Calm down. How about... no.
At this point she was chucked in her crib.
ME: Get over it, kid.
GOOB: NO. I NOT GET OVER. [Fuck off, Mum.]
ME: STOP THAT RIGHT NOW OR YOU'RE GOING TO GET SPANKED!
GOOB: Calm down, Mumma. [Fuck off, Mum.]
Alternately, she will give a sarcastic "Oh dear."
ME: No throwing things in the house.
GOOB: Meybee noh. [Maybe not.]
ME: Definitely not.
ME: Big girls use the potty.
GOOB: I no yike potty. I wan didy. [I don't like the potty, I want a diaper.]
GOOB: I huny. [I'm hungry.]
ME: You just refused to eat dinner.
GOOB: Chokat? [Chocolate?]
HUSBEAST, pointing to a foot print on the couch: What is this?
GOOB: A poom pwin! [A puma print!]
GOOB: Shoo, titty! [Shoo, kitty!]
SEKHMET: Oh, you did NOT just tell me what to do, little kitten. Go eat hairballs.
GOOB: I a manter. Rawr. [I'm a monster. Roar.]
GOOB, scared by my shriek: WAAAAAAAAH!
ME: Its nap time.
GOOB: No, no nap. I busy.
I keep telling myself that to talk back like this, she's gotta be pretty smart and have a pretty good vocabulary. And that when she's older, I want her to stand up for herself just like this.
But if she doesn't knock it off, I'm getting the duct tape.