Sunday, January 12, 2014

Golden Globes Red Carpet!

Well, kiddies, it's the new year, and that means AWARDS SEASON. First up is, obviously, the Globes. We don't care who wins what. It's about the clothes!

Now. I know some don't like the concentration on looks, and they're PEOPLE, not faces, but this is Hollywood. It is a professional event. They have had months to prepare for this. This is not the same as taking a photo of them out for coffee and ragging on their tee shirt. (Personally I think that should be illegal.) Honestly, I don't really even care who's wearing it, I just wanna see CLOTHES.

The only person I'm likely to rag on, as a human being, is Jane Fonda. If she shows up. I'll quit bitching when she's shot for treason. RANT FOR ANOTHER DAY!

So.

CLOTHES!!  WHEE!

(For now, while waiting, I'm watching Leverage. If you've never watched it, you should. It's hilarious. I want to be Sophie Deveraux when I grow up. Heck, I pretend I'm her, now, when I'm talking someone into something.)

(Also, I have a kitty on my lap. Honu's adjusting well, but she's still getting the hang of cuddling.)

Watching E, so I'm gonna have those knuckleheads taking up my bandwidth.

I'll do my best to add pictures where I can find them.

The red carpet goes out to the street and the cars are driving along it. Okay. Wut.

They're pushing a Twitter hash tag.

Zooey Whatsit, in beige. She says it's comfortable. DeLaurenta.Sparkly. Can't decide if that top is flattering or not. She has flowers on her manicure. She matches. Purse, hair flowers (YAY RIBBONWORK!) and dress. I just don't know.



Aubrey Plaza, in a fairly regular dress, BUT IT FITS. Color works on her.



Hayden Paniterre in Tom Ford. Black and white, FITS. The hair looks like she just got out of a swimming pool. But the dress is flattering.



Sarah Hyland, really cute peach orange dress. Pretty. Plain but fitted decently in front, sheer and beaded on the back. "It's from Paris!" She says the hair is inspired by the Valentino runway, but she looks more like Heidi.



The manicure cam may be fucking awesome.

(Oh man, I just had to bump the cat off me so I could type without my shoulders screaming. Damn it, not the way to train her.)

What's with the slicked down hair on women?? It's flattering on maybe 2% of them, everyone else looks like they need a shower.

Margot Robbie looks freaking fabulous. And she did her hair. She must have the undergarments from hell, but the dress is perfect. This is what I'm talking about when I bitch about fit.



Kelly Osbourne going on about her own dress. HONEY, YOU ARE A HOSTESS. IT'S ABOUT THE OTHER PEOPLE.

(Hitting pause to wash the kid's hair and get pizza.)

Ryan Seacrest. Who IS he? I mean, what does he do?

One of the hostesses is wearing another version of Deitrich's nude dress. I'm really tired of unlined dresses. I don't wanna know what underwear they're wearing.



WANT ACTUAL PEOPLE, NOT HOSTS. I'VE SEEN YOUR CLOTHES.

Lena Dunham in yellow. Um. Yellow's a really hard color to wear, especially for people with Euro coloring. And the cups are too small for her boobs. She says it was designed for her... Someone needs a lesson on fitting. Boobs don't belong in your arm pits. I love she's letting the tats show. You go, girl.



PIZZA! Husbeast is awesome.

Vagisil commercial. I can't even.

Now they're talking social media. THANK YOU E! FOR CATCHING UP WITH THE REST OF US.

Interesting architectural dress behind the inverview. Nice hair, too. No idea who it is.

Naomi Watts in silver Tom Ford with sheer cutouts. Still not sure if I care about sideboob or not. Pretty sure not, but the dress is more revealing than it looks at first glance.



Lupita Nyong'o in bright red, FANTASTIC with her coloring. Perfectly fitted. She looks amazing. WONDERFUL. That's how you do it!



More shots of Zooey Deschanel, which is nice, but we already saw that dress. MOAR FASHION DAMMIT.

Aaand another commercial.

Melissa Rauch, also in yellow. Why do people keep wearing yellow? It's the world's hardest color to wear. Great dress, but I think another color would've been more flattering.



Zosia Mamet in a fabulous black and... white? Pale pink? dress. Love the beading, and it's done in an optical illusion flattering way, but what's with the hair??



Elizabeth Moss, beaded dress that must way twenty pounds. Also not doing her hair. WHAT THE HELL, PEOPLE. It's nice, mostly fits. She has repeatedly flipped off the mani cam. Haha.



Emilia Clarke, some kind of strapless architectural dealie, THAT FITS. Nice. DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR HAIR!!



Amy Adams in a plunging red dress. HI BOOBS. She pulls it off. She's got the presence. It's backless, and the front goes down to her waist. Yow. I wouldn't have the nerve to wear it, she's advocating good posture, I think double-sided tape and/or super glue is also helping.



Kid now old enough to have opinions. She likes beads and ruffles. Shocker.

Really not liking the hair trends.

Amy Poehler and Tina Fey. Tina's dress is great, very Louis XVI. She dresses up really well. I like the wrap style of Amy's, too.





They're trying WAAAY too hard to work the social media into this show. They're talking about wedding cake.

Okay, I'm not gonna rag on actors' dates. I'd flip out if someone dragged me across the red carpet. But there is some really unfortunate plastic surgery going on.

Oh my. WHO IS THIS? Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting. Badly fitted corset with lots of skirt. Not sure I like the print, but the fit is... yeah.


I've had dresses fitted before. More than once. I've done it myself. It's not hard, or expensive. Even without a stylist, why aren't they making sure this stuff doesn't smash their boobs?? These women have fabulous bodies that they work like hell to maintain. Why don't they get more serious about actual fit? I don't get it.

Halfway. I'm really tired of these hosts. Blah blah. I just wanna see clothes, damn it.

Cate Blanchett nails it in backless black lace that fits. She also did her hair. When I grow up I wanna be Galadriel. She's towering over Seacrest, which pleases me. She is just so damned elegant. WHOA! The back goes doooown! I hope that's glued, or she doesn't sit down. But it looks fabulous.



Guys wearing tuxedos. Yes. Often nice, sometimes horribly fitted, who cares, NEED DRESSES.

Bradley Cooper. Om nom nom. Y'know, on the right guy, a tuxedo reminds me of a present to be unwrapped. I'm just sayin'.

Emma Watson in simple red with a drape on the back. I think she's adorable. I always do. Wait. It's... pants? Black pants with a backless red tunic thing. She's striking a pose on the red carpet. Honestly, she'd look adorable in a grocery bag. Sort of WTF, but she enjoys pushing the envelope with fashion.



Taylor Schilling in a green nightgown.



Kerry Washingon, pregnant. Everyone should go to her for lessons on how to dress. The color is meh, but the cut of the dress is really interesting, in the best way.



Julianna Marguiles, in black with gold print or applique or something. The full skirt looks... odd.



Sophia Vergara looking like a bombshell. Va voom. The boning in that dress, holy cow. Zak Posen. A cathedral is nothing compared to the architecture in that bodice. It doesn't fit quite right, but who's noticing??



Bono and Edge. And... what is U2 doing here? Oh. Nominated for a song, their songs were in the Mandela movie. They DID do a whole lot to help South Africa. They're saying all that really good profound peace stuff. Didn't Bono get nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize? Edge is wearing a stocking cap with a suit. REALLY? Come on.

Cate Blanchett and Bono gushing at each other. I want to be them. Or, no, go out for a beer with them.

Leonardo DiCaprio. Feh. Blah blah. Ooh ah. Whatevs. Also, his tux doesn't fit. Teeheehee. As I was typing that, husbeast walked in the room, glanced at the TV, and said "he couldn't find a tux that fit?"

Melissa McCarthy in a really neat black dress with a beaded swish. I wish she'd wear more color. Black isn't slimming, it's just black. And boring.

Olivia Wilde in green with a kajillion beads. Another twenty pound dress, but nice. Those types of dresses drape like damn and require undergarments by Goodyear. But they look so nice. She's preggo. In a heavy beaded dress. I can't even begin to imagine. I'd have been found in the bathroom, puking.



Reese Witherspoon in THE PERFECT DRESS. Holy crap, that's perfect. When I start bitching about proper fit? THIS IS THE IDEAL. Holy mackerel.



Sandra Bullock still has no boobs. The husbeast would like the world to know this. But the dress is nice. I'm so tired of black, but at least there's some color. The pink over the black is a great optical illusion. Still not sure how I feel about the blue at the bottom, draws the eye to her feet, which isn't usually what people are going for in a dress.



Goodyear blimp. They didn't do the tires tonight, they did the foundation garments. Seriously. With these dresses.

Heidi Klum looking like Stevie Nicks.



Julia Roberts. What, the, hell. She's wearing a strapless black corset thingie over a white dress shirt. WHAAAA? I'm looking at it, and I'm still what. Dolce and Gabana. And still, what the fuck. Um. She did her hair?



Julia Louise Dreyfus, in red halter. Yep. It's a dress.



Mila Kunis in silver, really pretty. And she did her hair. She always goes for soft and sparkly combined, I love her looks.



Taylor Swift in 20s style pin curls and a red and black dress. Carolina Hererra. Fabulous. Little bow in the back, a train, which looks great but must be a pain to maneuver in. She looks like she's hunching over to keep her boobs in the dress. I don't know if that's her, or the dress.



Jennifer Lawrence is photobombing her, sneaking up the stairs making faces. Girl hugs and kisses.

Jennifer Lawrence! She's wearing a knockoff of a... Chanel or Vionnet. From the 30s? It's not a knockoff, it's vintage, right? It's supposedly Dior. She's such a hoot, her bracelet fell off, she's pretending to toss it into the crowd.



Drew Barrymore in a dress she had to have chosen for fun more than glamour. And it is fun. I can imagine her saying "I'm pregnant, it's fun, hell with it." It's adorable, it really is.



Jessica Chastain in plain black with long hair. Nice look, if eh.



Sarah Paulson. I wore a pink version of this exact dress to the band dance in 1986.

Lots of repeats and blah blah and I'm burned out. Poking through the 'net for pictures...a lot of these are from the People.com web site.

Zoe Saldana looking FABULOUS. I keep using that word. It's fitted to her, and the ribbon over her shoulders, and the pink with her skin.



So, there you go. Golden Globes red carpet, good fun. Lots of great clothes. Yay, fashion.

8 comments:

Jan pattat said...

Welcome back - I have missed your unique take on life.

Gabriella said...

I've missed you, too! I hope everything is going well. I like your appraisal of the Golden Globes, and I really appreciate your taking the time to add pictures! Not having a TV (and being in another country, besides), it's hard to visualize exactly what you're talking about, otherwise.

Janis said...

Welcome back; we've missed you! How's everything? (I hope it's ok.)

PinkSkatingGirl said...

Yay, you're back. Missed you. If I ever have the chance to attend a fancy dress function, I'm calling you before I leave the house.

Craziest robot catcher code EvEr.

Anonymous said...

Hooray! you are back! I had almost given up! I so missed reading this every day or so!

Anonymous said...

Don't diss the bad hair! As long as they keep making a mess of it, I can continue to say with confidence that my hair looks better than $famous_person's hair. ;-)

Roxie said...

Oh hooray! Welcome back! I missed the show and am SO glad you were there to help me through it!

The floor-length red backless tunic with black pants underneath - love the originality of that.

Mary Lynn said...

Welcome back! Love the comments.

Loved all the comments. My take on Julia Roberts is that she must have some scar that she is hiding.